A decent first post on a feminist blog should probably attempt to define what I mean by feminism. Ha. Well I think that I'll be general, erring on the side of equal rights. Here goes, feel free to edit or expand in the comments:
I count as a feminist anyone who believes in equality for people. I count as a Dad anyone parenting a child doing fathering work. By these definitions, men can be feminists and women can be fathers. I also think that men can and do mother, but I'd rather have a blog for Feminist Dads. This is it.
I've read some definitions of feminist dads on random blogs (of which I've lost their URLs) that define the feminism part based on what the dad does as a father (ex. "Not just someone who changes diapers but someone who's really there for his child"). I don't like this version of feminist dads. I am a feminist, and I soon will be a dad. But even if I'm a bad father, I'll still be a feminist. Hell, in that case I'll still be a dad.
Of course I want to be the best possible father (or sometimes mother) I can be, but I also know that I'm never likely to feel that my best is enough. Lucky for me, non-feminist society is not so quick to blame white fathers for inadequacies*. Folks are much more likely to praise men who take their kids to the park. Unfortunately, mothers aren't so lucky. For some reason we assume women to be "naturally" good mothers, and are quick to criticize if we feel they are doing something wrong. As my own Mom says, "A dirty house is a reflection of the woman." So the guy not only is relieved of the blame, but is also praised for washing a dish**.
Hopefully these random acts of fatherhood will become less random and more normalized, thus also relieving women of the triple burden of paid work, childcare, and keeping house. Are you a feminist and a dad? Help a guy out, I don't want to do this myself. This could easily be a group blog. Email me. Or leave a comment.
* Except for the culture sustaining Dagwood-esque jokes about golfing, napping, and eating when not bringing in the dough.
** Assuming a het household, of which ours is not necessarily but my Mom's is.
Visit my daily blog for more:
These are random things I've written about gender.
These are random things I've written about having our baby.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
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4 comments:
Several comments, based upon my experiences as a father. My son is almost 20 years old. My step-sons are 8 and 11.
When my partner got pregnant (finally after much effort on our parts) I sought out "pregnant fathers" and found a total lack of other men to talk about my fears of becoming a father (in 1986 - pre-internet days).
When my son was born in 1987, I found that my "support group" of other Pro-Feminist Men - in Men Stopping Rape, Inc. of Madison - were not interested in my life experiences - I was no longer relevant to their lives - and felt very alone.
When my son was a baby and I ventured out such as to our local grocery store with him, I found consistently that women of all ages asked if I'd like assistance in a variety of ways. Men would open a door for me, but otherwise didn't notice my struggles.
What saddened me about the latter experience was the realization that before my son was born I would have been exactly like the other men around me.
I think that we have a long way to go beyond the seemingly simple issues. I know that I've made many, many mistakes as a father and as a man and simply as a person.
I wish you luck! I don't fault others for the most part, but feel like we men need to do a lot of the work to make things easier for all of us. It is hard to do that fathering a young child!
Thanks!
Thanks for the link. I'm glad to see another feminist parent has created a blog and I look forward to reading it!
Just ran across this link; thought it might be of sociological/parental interest:
http://j-walkblog.com/index.php?/weblog/posts/girlie_girl_names/
- Jim Miner
Thanks all for your comments, and especially your encouragement, geo. I look forward to continuing the conversation.
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