I guess fathers don't take children on planes

We're getting ready to take Edie on a flight this Thursday. She traveled when she was just a few weeks old, when we weren't worrying about things like formula or baby food. Now we're concerned about both. What to pack? How much is allowed, and does it have to be in ziplock bags?

The good news is that, so long as it's inspected, breast milk, formula, juice (we're not a fan, but ok), and even baby food is acceptable in carry on bags. Link to the travel safety administration here.

The bad news is that only mothers seem to be expected to fly with (or without) their babies:

Mothers flying with, and now without, their child will be permitted to bring breast milk in quantities greater than three ounces as long as it is declared for inspection at the security checkpoint.

How about "Mothers (and now introducing, new and improved, Fathers!) flying with their child..." for a change. The rest of the TSA page speaks in gender-free language, mostly by using "you" and "your" alot. But that doesn't change the headlining picture of a mother feeding a baby.

Well, hopefully at least they won't direct all questions to just Sarah. I'll report back after the trip.

Using the loo? Make sure you appear gender appropriate first.

Here's a story from Gender PAC, about a bouncer who entered a women's bathroom to force a woman to leave, based on her percieved identity. What gets me the most is the supposed acceptable presence of the bouncer, a man.

WASHINGTON (December 17, 2007) – 'Female' on your drivers' license is no guarantee against harassment and gender discrimination. That's what Khadijah Farmer, a 28-year-old African American lesbian, discovered this past summer when she tried to use the women's restroom at a landmark New York City restaurant.

On June 24, after attending the Gay Pride march in New York City, Farmer and friends went to dinner at the Caliente Cab Company, a Mexican restaurant in Greenwich Village. Farmer says that while she was in a bathroom stall, a male bouncer entered the restroom and banged on the stall door, claiming someone had complained that a man was in the women's restroom.

Farmer described the bouncer's behavior as "hostile and aggressive," and says that even after she told him she was female and in the correct bathroom, he didn't leave. She exited the stall and offered to show him her ID as proof, but he refused, saying, "Your ID is neither here nor there."

Farmer and her friends were told to pay their tab, and escorted out of the restaurant before they could finish their meal.

“I shouldn’t be harassed when I’m just trying to do something everyone in the world does,” said Farmer in describing the incident. "I was thrown out of the restaurant because of who I am and how I look. It was humiliating."

Farmer has filed a lawsuit against Caliente Cab Company alleging illegal discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation and gender expression, as well as illegal sex stereotyping.

"This incident illustrates the discrimination that many women experience if they have short hair, are heavy-set, or wear clothing that is not strictly feminine," said Riki Wilchins, Executive Director of the Gender Public Advocacy Coalition. "Such a simple act as using a restroom can be stressful -- even dangerous. We need to get the gender police out of people’s daily lives."

Added Wilchins, "It's not that Ms. Farmer is too masculine in appearance. It's that the bouncer's idea of what a woman should look like is too narrow."

Because what we're really looking for in a President is a nice set of heels

So I open up the New York Times this morning to find this article about Bill's participation in Hillary's campaign. But before even getting to the article, I'm sidetracked by the headlining photo, above.

Wow. I can't think too many - well any - times where part of the candidates body is signaled out, and it's not their head. Worse, the photo subject is her husband's head, as the article is really about him anyway.

This is like Killing Us Softly-light: I half expect Jean Kilbourne to appear with this slide behind her, explaining how the face of a man will be responsible for electing a set of heels on a stage. Who cares who she is anyway, right? Just a Woman President, no need to even see which one.

Maybe next she'll be spotted carrying one of these*.

Evolution of Dad

Check out this great clip of sociologist Michael Kimmel talking about the future of Dads and the work-life balance. I'm not sure how I feel about the perspective of college women "opting out" for five years. Other than that, a dialog like this gives me hope.

The clip is from the Evolution of Dad Project, via Rebel Dad

p.s. Like my framing?

children, choices, constraints, and careers

I was finally able to sit down and concentrate* on this post over at Scatterplot, a refreshingly honest blogpost about structure and agency on an exciting new sociology group blog. Olderwoman reflects on her and her husband's experience of raising two children while both working full time jobs. In particular, she considers her position as primary caregiver for her children during a large portion of that time, taking turns in the sacrifice of either career or family.

Her post makes me seriously ponder my years to come. I'm proud of my family's arrangement this term: Sarah and I share child care responsibilities, working and staying at home exactly every other day. She's a part time law clerk while in school and I'm a part time office worker (a pre-doctoral fellowship) also while in school. We have bar exams and area exams that require much focused time, and we take turns caring for Edie and studying. Once in a while our friends even sit for us. It's a system that works.

But Olderwoman and her husband started out in equal child care arrangements too. Already by March the bar will be over and Sarah will work four days a week, up from two. We hired a part time babysitter to cover the deficit in caring hours. Looking further into the future, which of us will sacrifice when we have more than one child? Will we both manage to find flexible places of work? Or will we invest in full time child care, something that we don't prefer for no reason other than really liking our time at home.

My point is that we have great social privilege right now, one where we both have part time flexible work schedules that allow us to share in the experience of raising our daughter. Of course we have constraints too, but so far we manage them alright. I'm more worried about future constraints, and I wonder how my socio-biographical essay will sound years from now, looking back at my life of academia and children.

More to the point of her post**, I notice that many women commented, considering their own social and academic situations. One even started her own blog. Men did comment, but not so much about their social position of being fathers. This is what concerns me. We of course should address women's constraints when it comes to child care and family involvement, but the other side of this is that men should consider our role in the family-work system.

My favorite lines of the post:

We often act and theorize as if only one person at a time is real, and everyone else is just environment, not also choice-making consequence-bearing people. We think that if our choices are consequential that we must be able to control the outcomes of our choices. That is, we make the fundamental attribution error in social psychology, attributing outcomes to individual choices rather than systems. But even “system” is an attribution error, as we tend to treat it as if it were a single other individual not, itself, a product of uncountable choices by other people (my emphasis).

To me this suggests that I as a father have the ability to think about and even act on the time that I spend with my child(ren) and career. Like Olderwoman, at different points I might make different decisions, and those will probably be based on the particulars of my life. Of course, I can hope that our society reaches some tolerable state of caring*** by the time I'm looking for full time work. But especially because "the system" doesn't exist as a single entity, it is not what will take care of me or my children.

This is where we as social actors play a role in our own futures, all while realizing the constraints of ourselves and those around us. What will I do despite (or because of) my social situation? What do I already do?

*I read it while my daughter fell asleep in my arms, by the way. Nothing like pondering my life with children while actually holding one.
**And aftermath, see less favorable first set of comments here.
***You know, something supporting the raising of children as a benefit, not a cost.

The more things change...

Lately I've been checking baby product websites for images of fathers. While I keep hunting, consider this video from Bugaboo strollers. Watch to the end - is this a modern perpetuation of an old theme, or what?